I date for long periods of time. My first love, as well as my most recent ex, and I started dating in March of my 8th grade year. Continuing on until recently, my sophomore year of college. We've had our ups and downs, we are only human of course, but in the end he was always the one.
Near the end of our relationship, I gained an understanding of myself which eventually lead to our break-up. Although he should've been a huge part of my life, he shouldn't have controlled it: which he did. He decided who I hung out with, what classes I took, where I lived, what I wore, and so much more. Coming into an extreme fit of "Who the hell am I??!" I realized that I wouldn't ever know as long as he was in my life.
He had our life planned (there was mutual agreement, but not mutual satisfaction). We were going to live in my home-town with 3 kids and they were going to be named Kelsey, Jacob, and Steve. All of the names listed are names he had chosen. There middle names were going to be his family middle names that had passed down over generations, not mine.
He had never asked, he decided. However, in his defense, I always agreed.
I was no longer myself -- but I was the girl-version of him.
It took me a long time to realize this, and to many of my friend's relief, I finally did. I was not happily in love with him, I was just happy to be in love.
How-To: Break up with your long-term boyfriend
1) Make sure it's what you want to do and when you do it, stick to your guns.
Breaking up and getting back together over and over can be extremely detrimental to one's well-being. Having your heart broken is one of the worst pains a human body can feel (not THE worst, but it's up there). It's hard because you're giving up your norm, but you must do it regardless if you know it's right for you.
2) Don't make it dramatic and cause a scene
Be mature and be adults. Things sometimes just don't work out, and regardless of your past with eachother, you have to look towards the future. Be kind and be gentle, don't throw in "If you had only.." type statements because they're unneccessary. You're ending it with them, there is no need to kick them while they're down. Try not to break up based on a fight or argument, "don't make permenent decisions based on temporary feelings."
3) Don't dwell: Remember the past but realize you're both in a new chapter.
You will see other people, and odds are that he will too. Don't "stalk" his Facebook and Twitter, I actually suggest hiding/blocking them for some time. Yes, even if it's 10 years down the road, you're not going to like that he/she has moved on, but the beauty of it is that you can move on too. There was a legitimate reason for ending the relationship, realize this and realize you need something/someone else. If fate allows you to bump into eachother down the road, great! If not, it wasn't meant to be.
4) Focus on yourself: Dreams, goals, and friends.
Try not to jump directly into another relationship -- even if you feel like you're over them, you're probably not. Focus on yourself. Go on walks. Journal. Pick up a hobby. Be with your friends. I'm not saying to shun boys/girls completely, just try to set a distinct time to focus on who you are by yourself, not who you are when you're attached to someone else.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Gratitude Journal
As an avid blogger and self-help addict, I've stumbled upon multiple sites suggesting a "Gratitude Journal." Sure, seems easy enough, right?
Every day, write down 5 things you're grateful for. They can be simplistic, realistic, or meaningful. Attempting to appreciate the smaller things in my life, I'm going for a simplistic list today. The things I over-look on a daily basis.
Today (October 28th 2012), I'm Grateful For:
1) Bread when I'm hungover
Fighting a mean case of Barefoot Moscato after-math, I've never been so grateful for simple bread and butter. Polishing off a full (large) bottle of Barefoot has left my stomach churning and my body yearning. However, as I buttered up a few toasted pieces of bread, I've never been more thankful for my wheat/yeast product.
2) Friends I can laugh for hours with
As my friend and I recover from our Barefoot night (mentioned above; we both had a large bottle to ourselves), we reminisce over our crazy antics. Laughing and hungover, I love that I have someone to relate with.
3) People who appreciate me for the way I am
I cuss, I drink, and I smoke. I forget to thank the people that deal with that daily. However, underneath that, I am caring, smart, and occasionally funny. When people see my flaws but appreciate the latter, I know I've found true friendship.
4) Nicotine
As a smoker, I'm grateful for my rush of nicotine in my morning cigarette. Often, I find myself immune to feeling my nicotine high, and I'm so grateful when I do. It is what I spend my money for, right?
5) Dunkin Donuts coffee
Morphing the entire list together, Dunkin Donuts coffee is a must. Sharing it with a friend you can laugh with, as you smoke a cigarette and eat toast, it ties in everything I'm grateful for today. Thank you, Dunkin, for only charging me $2.68 for my XL Hazelnut coffee this morning.
What are you grateful for?
Every day, write down 5 things you're grateful for. They can be simplistic, realistic, or meaningful. Attempting to appreciate the smaller things in my life, I'm going for a simplistic list today. The things I over-look on a daily basis.
Today (October 28th 2012), I'm Grateful For:
1) Bread when I'm hungover
Fighting a mean case of Barefoot Moscato after-math, I've never been so grateful for simple bread and butter. Polishing off a full (large) bottle of Barefoot has left my stomach churning and my body yearning. However, as I buttered up a few toasted pieces of bread, I've never been more thankful for my wheat/yeast product.
2) Friends I can laugh for hours with
As my friend and I recover from our Barefoot night (mentioned above; we both had a large bottle to ourselves), we reminisce over our crazy antics. Laughing and hungover, I love that I have someone to relate with.
3) People who appreciate me for the way I am
I cuss, I drink, and I smoke. I forget to thank the people that deal with that daily. However, underneath that, I am caring, smart, and occasionally funny. When people see my flaws but appreciate the latter, I know I've found true friendship.
4) Nicotine
As a smoker, I'm grateful for my rush of nicotine in my morning cigarette. Often, I find myself immune to feeling my nicotine high, and I'm so grateful when I do. It is what I spend my money for, right?
5) Dunkin Donuts coffee
Morphing the entire list together, Dunkin Donuts coffee is a must. Sharing it with a friend you can laugh with, as you smoke a cigarette and eat toast, it ties in everything I'm grateful for today. Thank you, Dunkin, for only charging me $2.68 for my XL Hazelnut coffee this morning.
What are you grateful for?
Monday, October 15, 2012
What Do You "Need" In Relationships?
In the course of my love-life, all two relationships, I've found that I stick with the same person because I'm so hooked on the idea of being in love. However, it never works out with my significant other because they lack the things I need.
Call me high maitencence, but I do hold my my men to a certain standard. Although, for the most part, I'll make excuses justifying why they don't meet up to my needs -- in the end, they just don't.
Needs are needs, and when mine aren't satisfied, I'll go elsewhere so they are. Some of my needs are stereotypical and materialistic, but they are my needs regardless.
There is no shame in needing things from your significant other, and when they don't meet up to these standards, there is no shame in moving on.
Things I Need From My Significant Other
1) Understanding
It's important for me to have a man that will understand my bad moods, off-days, or my ridiculously high standards. They don't have to have gone through the same experiences (I'm not looking for an identical twin), it's just important they try to understand what I am going through.
2) Honesty
If something is wrong, tell me. If something isn't wrong and I ask, understand my paranoia (thank you past relationships) and move on. Don't cheat either, obviously.
3) Attention
By attention, I don't mean every second of every day (eventually I'd murder them if they wouldn't leave me alone, ha!), I mean that I want you to recognize and appreciate our relationship. Text me once in a while (good morning, good day, good night) and let me know that you remember we're in a serious commited relationship.
One of my exes always said I needed attention to be happy, and to a certain extent I think this is true for everybody, but he was one who would go days without texting me. If it's asking too much to call me occassionally then I'm not with the right person. Plain and simple.
4) Drive
There is nothing more attractive about a man than his drive to succeed or accomplish goals he has set for himself. Life is not a party, although there isn't any shame in letting lose once in a while, so give yourself goals and work to achieve them. This can be with work, school, personal life, whatever. I just want to know that if you say you'll do something, then you will do your best to do so.
What are your needs in a relationship?
Call me high maitencence, but I do hold my my men to a certain standard. Although, for the most part, I'll make excuses justifying why they don't meet up to my needs -- in the end, they just don't.
Needs are needs, and when mine aren't satisfied, I'll go elsewhere so they are. Some of my needs are stereotypical and materialistic, but they are my needs regardless.
There is no shame in needing things from your significant other, and when they don't meet up to these standards, there is no shame in moving on.
Things I Need From My Significant Other
1) Understanding
It's important for me to have a man that will understand my bad moods, off-days, or my ridiculously high standards. They don't have to have gone through the same experiences (I'm not looking for an identical twin), it's just important they try to understand what I am going through.
2) Honesty
If something is wrong, tell me. If something isn't wrong and I ask, understand my paranoia (thank you past relationships) and move on. Don't cheat either, obviously.
3) Attention
By attention, I don't mean every second of every day (eventually I'd murder them if they wouldn't leave me alone, ha!), I mean that I want you to recognize and appreciate our relationship. Text me once in a while (good morning, good day, good night) and let me know that you remember we're in a serious commited relationship.
One of my exes always said I needed attention to be happy, and to a certain extent I think this is true for everybody, but he was one who would go days without texting me. If it's asking too much to call me occassionally then I'm not with the right person. Plain and simple.
4) Drive
There is nothing more attractive about a man than his drive to succeed or accomplish goals he has set for himself. Life is not a party, although there isn't any shame in letting lose once in a while, so give yourself goals and work to achieve them. This can be with work, school, personal life, whatever. I just want to know that if you say you'll do something, then you will do your best to do so.
What are your needs in a relationship?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
The Up's And Down's of Greek Life
As a member of a wonderful sorority, I've come across many things I adore about Greek Life and many things I dislike. Although my organization is key part in who I am today, it is not perfect. Who expects to throw 100+ people in a room together and everything be perfect?
There are stereotypes and assumptions, some I have found true and others far from it.
If you are reading this to "decide" whether or not to join, please take my advice and go through formal rush week. You'll learn the good/bad/ugly of YOUR CAMPUS GREEKS by meeting them yourself.
Disclaimer: These are only observations based on my experience. Every campus is different. It is different for everybody.
2) Greeks party all the time.
Truth: Some of the best parties I've ever been to are courtesy of my fellow Greeks. They are legitimate ragers, and you'll meet some serious characters. Some girls use these as an excuse to be floozy-like, others are there to bond and enjoy eachothers company.
Lies: The movies that portray Greek Life often forget about the other things Greeks do. The study hours, the philanthropy events, the community service, the substance-free fun. Greek life is a grand mixture of all things college-like. In order to be an active member of most Greek Organizations, you're required a certain GPA, a certain amount of community service hours, and a certain amount of dedication to all things *insert organization name here*. Greeks are commonly portrayed as wild party animals, and some can be, but most spend their nights (during the week, atleast) in the library with their sisters/brothers. The Facebook page for my organization (it's a private way to communicate with all members) is filled with "All nighter in the library, who's with me?" posts.
3) Sorority girls are sluts and frat boys are douchebags.
Truth: There is little/no truth in this statement. Being a "slut" or a "whore" is solely based on the individual and not the organization. Being in a Greek Organization does not make you a slut or a douchebag, that is an individual choice. There aren't classes or weekly meetings for my sorority on "how to be a slut," don't forget that.
Lies: Many members of my Greek family are the most well-rounded, wonderful people I've ever met. Regardless of their life choices when the lights go off -- most Greeks hold themselves to high standards and do not fit this stereotype: don't assume.
4) Going Greek just means you're paying for friends.
Truth: Greek Life can be expensive. From letter shirts, national dues, and social event fees, your organization can burn a hole right through your wallet. Sure, you can go out and party and make friends without going Greek, and a lot of people choose this. You're paying money to be a part of an organization that represents your character and values. It allows you to connect and network with people who hold themselves to these same standards. It is a rewarding experience and you do make a lot of wonderful friends through this because of how much you have in common.
Lies: The money you're putting down for your organization does not mean you're paying for friends. You're putting money into your organization (most goes to your philanthropy events) to better your chapter. You're paying for an experience of a lifetime, which does include friends. You pay money to take part in charitable events such as community service projects. Working at an office that focuses on the career choices of students, having a Greek Organization on your resume is very appealing to employers. By joining Greek Life, you're opening yourself up to networking opportunities and ways to better yourself -- and employers love this.
There are stereotypes and assumptions, some I have found true and others far from it.
If you are reading this to "decide" whether or not to join, please take my advice and go through formal rush week. You'll learn the good/bad/ugly of YOUR CAMPUS GREEKS by meeting them yourself.
Disclaimer: These are only observations based on my experience. Every campus is different. It is different for everybody.
The Truth's and Lie's of Greek Life
1) You'll meet friends that will last a lifetime.
Truth: Throughout my experiences, I have met girls whose best friends are their big, little, twin, or sister. Going through ritual and meeting your chapter, you are bound to find a friend that is very important to you. You two will have a sisterhood and bond unlike anything you've had with your friends before. This does not include your entire chapter. Before I rushed, I talked to the president of another sorority on my campus. She was blunt and told me, "you will not like every single one of your sisters." My SRC told me, "Honestly guys, I dislike 85% of the girls in my chapter. The other 15% though, they're perfect." By joining your sorority, you will not automatically make 100+ best friends, you're lucky if you make 4 or 5, actually. However, those 4 or 5 people will become some of the best people in your life. Not only will you have similar qualities and values, you will be sisters. Sisterhood (biological or greek) is a bond that will not fade.
Lies: After joining my organization, I had never felt more alone in my life. Surrounded by 100+ girls who seemed to have some bond, I felt that I had missed a retreat or hand-out on how to make friends with your sisters. Everyone seemed to have already found their 4 or 5 close friends and I was the odd-ball out. Girls would go out for TCBY or Cookout after chapter, and I'd walk back to my dorm from chapter alone.
In rebuttal though, after I was inactive due to my severe depression (I attempted suicide and was taking part in ritualistic cutting and self-harm) I had never had so much support. My sisters made an effort to tell me hello and realize I was alive -- it changed everything. There were still a few girls, we'll call them the exceptions, who told me they didn't care... but 4 girls out of 150 did not represent the support and love I recieved from my chapter.
2) Greeks party all the time.
Truth: Some of the best parties I've ever been to are courtesy of my fellow Greeks. They are legitimate ragers, and you'll meet some serious characters. Some girls use these as an excuse to be floozy-like, others are there to bond and enjoy eachothers company.
Lies: The movies that portray Greek Life often forget about the other things Greeks do. The study hours, the philanthropy events, the community service, the substance-free fun. Greek life is a grand mixture of all things college-like. In order to be an active member of most Greek Organizations, you're required a certain GPA, a certain amount of community service hours, and a certain amount of dedication to all things *insert organization name here*. Greeks are commonly portrayed as wild party animals, and some can be, but most spend their nights (during the week, atleast) in the library with their sisters/brothers. The Facebook page for my organization (it's a private way to communicate with all members) is filled with "All nighter in the library, who's with me?" posts.
3) Sorority girls are sluts and frat boys are douchebags.
Truth: There is little/no truth in this statement. Being a "slut" or a "whore" is solely based on the individual and not the organization. Being in a Greek Organization does not make you a slut or a douchebag, that is an individual choice. There aren't classes or weekly meetings for my sorority on "how to be a slut," don't forget that.
Lies: Many members of my Greek family are the most well-rounded, wonderful people I've ever met. Regardless of their life choices when the lights go off -- most Greeks hold themselves to high standards and do not fit this stereotype: don't assume.
4) Going Greek just means you're paying for friends.
Truth: Greek Life can be expensive. From letter shirts, national dues, and social event fees, your organization can burn a hole right through your wallet. Sure, you can go out and party and make friends without going Greek, and a lot of people choose this. You're paying money to be a part of an organization that represents your character and values. It allows you to connect and network with people who hold themselves to these same standards. It is a rewarding experience and you do make a lot of wonderful friends through this because of how much you have in common.
Lies: The money you're putting down for your organization does not mean you're paying for friends. You're putting money into your organization (most goes to your philanthropy events) to better your chapter. You're paying for an experience of a lifetime, which does include friends. You pay money to take part in charitable events such as community service projects. Working at an office that focuses on the career choices of students, having a Greek Organization on your resume is very appealing to employers. By joining Greek Life, you're opening yourself up to networking opportunities and ways to better yourself -- and employers love this.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Appreciate The Little Things
Lately I've noticed myself as a debbie downer, and with that being said, I've decided to appreciate the little things throughout my day.
What are some of yours?
The Little Things
1) That "Oh my gosh I'm so clean and refreshed" moment when you get out of the shower.
2) The first cigarette of the day
3) When you don't have a single blemish.
4) Cinammon/sugar bagels with a banana and milk for breakfast
5) Hot coffee (perfectly creamed and sugared)
6) Your iPod shuffling to your favorite songs
7) Talking to your parents and hearing that they're doing well
8) Fresh, clean air.
9) Your phone being completely charged
10) Peeing after you've been holding it in for awhile.
What are some of yours?
The Little Things
1) That "Oh my gosh I'm so clean and refreshed" moment when you get out of the shower.
2) The first cigarette of the day
3) When you don't have a single blemish.
4) Cinammon/sugar bagels with a banana and milk for breakfast
5) Hot coffee (perfectly creamed and sugared)
6) Your iPod shuffling to your favorite songs
7) Talking to your parents and hearing that they're doing well
8) Fresh, clean air.
9) Your phone being completely charged
10) Peeing after you've been holding it in for awhile.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I Am: A Serial Monogamist
Serial Monogamy: The act of "religiously" being with a single person at a single time. Religiously meaning there is no chance/action of being attracted to multiple people at a time. This is to the point of discomfort when with/talking to more than one person,
Serial monogamy is often characterized by people facing severe low self-esteem, anxiety, and/or depression. Feeling unnecessary anxiety of being 'played' or 'playing,' serial monogamists are very loyal and faithful.
When ending a relationship, serial monogamists prefer to know when and with who their next relationship will start; preferring to prolong a failing relationship until promises of another one arise. Serial monogamists often keep each relationship for long periods of time.
However, when a serial monogamist is facing a relationship where there is not enough attention/respect, they'll seek it somewhere else. With no actual attempt of seeing another person, a serial monogomist will still seek attention if they need it; remember most are facing severe low self-esteem issues.
Serial monogomists often seek constant reassurance from their partner; needing them to reinforce the fact they like/are attracted to them. Their relationships often fail because of their lack of trust in their partner.
I Am: A Serial Monogamist
Serial monogamy is often characterized by people facing severe low self-esteem, anxiety, and/or depression. Feeling unnecessary anxiety of being 'played' or 'playing,' serial monogamists are very loyal and faithful.
When ending a relationship, serial monogamists prefer to know when and with who their next relationship will start; preferring to prolong a failing relationship until promises of another one arise. Serial monogamists often keep each relationship for long periods of time.
However, when a serial monogamist is facing a relationship where there is not enough attention/respect, they'll seek it somewhere else. With no actual attempt of seeing another person, a serial monogomist will still seek attention if they need it; remember most are facing severe low self-esteem issues.
Serial monogomists often seek constant reassurance from their partner; needing them to reinforce the fact they like/are attracted to them. Their relationships often fail because of their lack of trust in their partner.
I Am: A Serial Monogamist
Wagon Wheel
"Hey, mama, rock me."
I will forever be inspired by the sounds of a banjo and light drums. Bass barely playing in the background; just enough for your foot to tap to its beat.
Maybe it's my down-home roots; I love the music stylin's of the folk-ish bands.
Here's a few of my favorites:
Disclaimer: Not all of these are "folky," some of them are just awesome.
1) Wagon Wheel - Old Crowe Medicine Show
"Headed down South to the land of the pine,
thumbin my way into North Caroline.
Starin at the road, pray to God I see headlights."
2) Kickdrum Heart - The Avett Brothers
"There's nothing like finding gold,
within the rocks hard and cold,
I'm so surprised to find more. Always surprised to find more."
3) Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons
"Weep for yourself, my man.
You'll never be what is in your heart.
Weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start."
4) Home Is Wherever I'm With You - Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros
"Alabama, Arkansas, I sure do love my ma and pa.
Not the way that I do love you.
Holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye.
Girl, I've never loved one like you."
5) Sail - Awolnation (not folky, just ear-gasmic..)
"This is how an angel dies,
I blame it on my own sick pride.
Blame it on my A.D.D baby.
Sail."
I will forever be inspired by the sounds of a banjo and light drums. Bass barely playing in the background; just enough for your foot to tap to its beat.
Maybe it's my down-home roots; I love the music stylin's of the folk-ish bands.
Here's a few of my favorites:
Disclaimer: Not all of these are "folky," some of them are just awesome.
1) Wagon Wheel - Old Crowe Medicine Show
"Headed down South to the land of the pine,
thumbin my way into North Caroline.
Starin at the road, pray to God I see headlights."
2) Kickdrum Heart - The Avett Brothers
"There's nothing like finding gold,
within the rocks hard and cold,
I'm so surprised to find more. Always surprised to find more."
3) Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons
"Weep for yourself, my man.
You'll never be what is in your heart.
Weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start."
4) Home Is Wherever I'm With You - Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros
"Alabama, Arkansas, I sure do love my ma and pa.
Not the way that I do love you.
Holy moly, me oh my, you're the apple of my eye.
Girl, I've never loved one like you."
5) Sail - Awolnation (not folky, just ear-gasmic..)
"This is how an angel dies,
I blame it on my own sick pride.
Blame it on my A.D.D baby.
Sail."
Being Independent.
Having a full time job since I was 17 -- I'm now 20, I know the value of a dollar. I come from a less-than-functional home. Financially and emotionally distraught, my family did their best raising me until I became legal age to do it all myself.
Being declared independent from my family last year was eye-opening to say the least. College, car, and insurance payments are just a few of the bills I pay every month. Top that with my full time course hours and I'm what you would call a hot mess.
Anxiety and depression are just a few of the ailments that run through my veins. As my parents declared me independent, they declared themselves as uninterested. What I do is my business, and I consider myself lucky if they even take the time to ask.
Being independent has wired me on an entirely new form of depression. I was significantly overwhelmed with the stress and anxiety of my new lifestyle. Learning along the way, I realized a few different things to help me overcome these trials and tribulations.
You’re a very powerful being, just by yourself. Believe in that, don’t give up, and you’ll go a long way, whichever road you take.
Being declared independent from my family last year was eye-opening to say the least. College, car, and insurance payments are just a few of the bills I pay every month. Top that with my full time course hours and I'm what you would call a hot mess.
Anxiety and depression are just a few of the ailments that run through my veins. As my parents declared me independent, they declared themselves as uninterested. What I do is my business, and I consider myself lucky if they even take the time to ask.
Being independent has wired me on an entirely new form of depression. I was significantly overwhelmed with the stress and anxiety of my new lifestyle. Learning along the way, I realized a few different things to help me overcome these trials and tribulations.
1. Your passion is a priority.
Your main focus, when being alone/independent, needs to be yourself. Keep yourself at the top of your list, and don't forget your main goals. Your dreams aren't unachievable just because you're on your own, if anything... they're more achievable because you can rely solely on yourself.2. Life is short.
It is no use dwelling on things you can't change. Life is short so live it to the best of your ability and keep going. Trust me, being independent and accomplishing your goals will give you a sense of satisfaction you haven't even imagined.3. Others may not fully understand.
I'm always one to advocate expressing your feelings. However, most of your friends won't understand exactly what you're going through. Whether your independent or just lacking support, realize your friends wont have all the answers. Trust them, tell them your secrets, however only expect the "right" answers to come from yourself.4. Remember anything is possible.
The future is uncertain, eat your dessert first ;) As cliche as this sounds, you can do anything you set your mind to. Always keep moving forward and eventually you'll find yourself living your dream.5. You can do this without their support.
It’s natural to want support and encouragement from the people around you, but it is possible to do what you want to do without it. Just think of how many successful, inspiring people took the road less traveled.You’re a very powerful being, just by yourself. Believe in that, don’t give up, and you’ll go a long way, whichever road you take.
7. You can’t please everyone in life.
You can’t. It’s impossible. And a lot of people forget that. If you try to please everyone, it’s going to be next to impossible. So don’t bother. Keep your focus on what you want to do and why. In an ideal world, would we could constantly surrounded ourselves with positivity. We can’t do that, but we can work on ourselves so that we stay committed and positive.Wednesday, October 10, 2012
How-To: Forgive Yourself
Overcome with anxiety and depression, forgiving myself for my sins/wrong-doings has always been a problem.
How could I do this? What's wrong with me?!
Fortunetly, there isn't anything wrong with me. I'm a normal human being with the capacity to feel guilt and shame. Unfortunately, because of my anxiety, I can't ever let it go. Here is a guide that I've been trying to form and follow for years.
How-To: Forgive yourself
1) Accept yourself and your flaws
No one is perfect, including yourself. Realize this and I promise your life will improve. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can do wrong by themselves or by others, and you are not alone.
2) You are not a bad person
There is a big difference between doing something bad and being a bad person. Not all of our actions define who we are at heart, it's what we do with the lessons learned.
3) Talk to someone
Don't lock up your feelings, talk to someone. If reassurance is something you need -- then go get it. I promise you'll find it. However, I often find myself saying, "but you don't understand!" They do. Maybe not down to the fine details, but like I said before -- everyone screws up. Often this other perspective can open up a new feeling.
4) Talk to your inner self
Sometimes you know all of the answers -- just find it.
5) Do the best friend test
Imagine your best friend had done exactly what you did and then came to you for advice. What would you tell them?
You would reassure them and tell them not to be so hard on themselves. You would tell them that everyone makes mistakes. You would tell them that they deserve to be forgiven.
Why can’t you say this to yourself?
How could I do this? What's wrong with me?!
Fortunetly, there isn't anything wrong with me. I'm a normal human being with the capacity to feel guilt and shame. Unfortunately, because of my anxiety, I can't ever let it go. Here is a guide that I've been trying to form and follow for years.
How-To: Forgive yourself
1) Accept yourself and your flaws
No one is perfect, including yourself. Realize this and I promise your life will improve. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone can do wrong by themselves or by others, and you are not alone.
2) You are not a bad person
There is a big difference between doing something bad and being a bad person. Not all of our actions define who we are at heart, it's what we do with the lessons learned.
3) Talk to someone
Don't lock up your feelings, talk to someone. If reassurance is something you need -- then go get it. I promise you'll find it. However, I often find myself saying, "but you don't understand!" They do. Maybe not down to the fine details, but like I said before -- everyone screws up. Often this other perspective can open up a new feeling.
4) Talk to your inner self
Sometimes you know all of the answers -- just find it.
5) Do the best friend test
Imagine your best friend had done exactly what you did and then came to you for advice. What would you tell them?
You would reassure them and tell them not to be so hard on themselves. You would tell them that everyone makes mistakes. You would tell them that they deserve to be forgiven.
Why can’t you say this to yourself?
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The Art of Being Bullied
College is filled with men and women of different backgrounds and culture. During my first year in college, I was victim to extreme bullying and harassment. Unsure of what to do, I allowed it to continue for months until threats of my life were made. My RA's made pathetic attempts to solve the problem, and eventually I accepted defeat. I allowed this person to run and control my life and my feelings.
Bullying is real. It is not teasing or joking, the victim will not brush it off and forget. Bullying can cause serious mental and emotional issues: for me, it was depression. The culture of my bully is one of no respect and no emotion. Facing issues from his childhood, his goal was to inflict the same pain on others that he had endured.
If you begin college and face bullies, I suggest you take immediate action.
1) Contact your RA or someone in authority (teachers, the dean, the police, etc)
Although my RA's provided little support and help, it was still important that I told them. If something was to happen, it's important that someone would know the extremes of the circumstance. Yes, it's scary to tell somebody. I lived in constant fear that if my bully found out, it would be worse. However, my bully was a school athlete and I told him I would contact his coaches if it continued (that kind of helped, not really though.) Eventually my parents called the police for me. Let someone know. Don't keep this inside because it will slowly destroy your self-esteem.
2) If your bully threatens your life: DO NOT confront him/her alone.
Do not be vulnerable. Walk in groups. Carry pepper spray or some form of protection. You might feel silly but this is important. It's always better safe than sorry.
3) If you begin sinking into depression or other mental/emotional turmoil, go to the counseling center.
I hate therapy. I have tried therapy 100+ times throughout my life, and I was never satisfied. However, I did attend a few sessions after my depression began. Not only are you telling another person of authority, they will listen and understand. They will offer good advice and help you work through your feelings.
4) If you have a release, do it.
I write poetry, stories, rambles, and just about anything when I'm upset. Do it. Sort this out. Get the feelings on paper or on your computer screen. It's important you don't pent these up inside.
The Art of Being Bullied: by "The Realist"
Soften the blows against my heart,
crying desperately alone in the dark.
Everyone see's but they refuse to accept,
the darkness entwined through the words of his text.
Black as night, his words are dark too.
Unfortunate enough to maybe be true.
Why do I say this when I know his words are lies?
Because he convinces me I'm lucky to be alive.
Lucky I am, to have been given a chance
by the great God above, I'm nothing at best.
Whore, slut, bitch are his platforms,
his words attack my life like a level four storm.
"Try to defend yourself," he mocks.
You'd be lucky if I throw you down on the rocks.
Fingerprint bruises mark my forearm,
my life is spent trying to win back his charm.
His words pollute twitter and facebook as well,
my friends play it off, they're scared, I can tell.
If they defend, they'll be next.
Playing it safe in the darkness of their heads.
Cameron, you got me, you conditioned me well.
My life is better spent if I'm rotting in hell.
That's where I belong, right? That's what you said.
The knife cuts my wrist deep as I'm 'asleep' in my bed.
Blood, unworthy of running through my veins,
the desperate cries of hurt feelings and pain.
"Cry it off," they say as they secretly comfort me.
The scars that on my arms are the least you can see.
Bullying is real. It is not teasing or joking, the victim will not brush it off and forget. Bullying can cause serious mental and emotional issues: for me, it was depression. The culture of my bully is one of no respect and no emotion. Facing issues from his childhood, his goal was to inflict the same pain on others that he had endured.
If you begin college and face bullies, I suggest you take immediate action.
1) Contact your RA or someone in authority (teachers, the dean, the police, etc)
Although my RA's provided little support and help, it was still important that I told them. If something was to happen, it's important that someone would know the extremes of the circumstance. Yes, it's scary to tell somebody. I lived in constant fear that if my bully found out, it would be worse. However, my bully was a school athlete and I told him I would contact his coaches if it continued (that kind of helped, not really though.) Eventually my parents called the police for me. Let someone know. Don't keep this inside because it will slowly destroy your self-esteem.
2) If your bully threatens your life: DO NOT confront him/her alone.
Do not be vulnerable. Walk in groups. Carry pepper spray or some form of protection. You might feel silly but this is important. It's always better safe than sorry.
3) If you begin sinking into depression or other mental/emotional turmoil, go to the counseling center.
I hate therapy. I have tried therapy 100+ times throughout my life, and I was never satisfied. However, I did attend a few sessions after my depression began. Not only are you telling another person of authority, they will listen and understand. They will offer good advice and help you work through your feelings.
4) If you have a release, do it.
I write poetry, stories, rambles, and just about anything when I'm upset. Do it. Sort this out. Get the feelings on paper or on your computer screen. It's important you don't pent these up inside.
The Art of Being Bullied: by "The Realist"
Soften the blows against my heart,
crying desperately alone in the dark.
Everyone see's but they refuse to accept,
the darkness entwined through the words of his text.
Black as night, his words are dark too.
Unfortunate enough to maybe be true.
Why do I say this when I know his words are lies?
Because he convinces me I'm lucky to be alive.
Lucky I am, to have been given a chance
by the great God above, I'm nothing at best.
Whore, slut, bitch are his platforms,
his words attack my life like a level four storm.
"Try to defend yourself," he mocks.
You'd be lucky if I throw you down on the rocks.
Fingerprint bruises mark my forearm,
my life is spent trying to win back his charm.
His words pollute twitter and facebook as well,
my friends play it off, they're scared, I can tell.
If they defend, they'll be next.
Playing it safe in the darkness of their heads.
Cameron, you got me, you conditioned me well.
My life is better spent if I'm rotting in hell.
That's where I belong, right? That's what you said.
The knife cuts my wrist deep as I'm 'asleep' in my bed.
Blood, unworthy of running through my veins,
the desperate cries of hurt feelings and pain.
"Cry it off," they say as they secretly comfort me.
The scars that on my arms are the least you can see.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Soul Food
One thing I learned to appreciate in college was food. I'm sure you hear that all the time, but it's true. When money is low and your school caf makes you lose your appetite-- these are easy (and affordable!!!) ways to get your nutrients!
1) Macaroni and Cheese
Whether it's shredded cheese and a box of spaghetti or Kraft... Macaroni and Cheese offers you nutrients and a fulfillment that is inexpensive. It's an easy fix: Boiling water is all you need!
2) Pizza
Making your own pizza can be as easy as getting bagels/english muffins and sauce, or as fancy as buying Pillsbury dough to make your own! Add some pepperoni or sausage and sprinkle some cheese on there! You're set for a perfect meal!
3) Ramen Noodles
This is just self-explanatory.
4) Cereal
This is perfect for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It's also good for snacks throughout the day (for example, just pour some dry into a Ziplok Bag and you're set!
5) Beer
Liquid bread. Not technically food, but when you're desperate...you gotta do what you gotta do.
6) Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich
Half PB, half banana. Throw onto buttered skillet. Make like a grilled cheese. Perfection.
1) Macaroni and Cheese
Whether it's shredded cheese and a box of spaghetti or Kraft... Macaroni and Cheese offers you nutrients and a fulfillment that is inexpensive. It's an easy fix: Boiling water is all you need!
2) Pizza
Making your own pizza can be as easy as getting bagels/english muffins and sauce, or as fancy as buying Pillsbury dough to make your own! Add some pepperoni or sausage and sprinkle some cheese on there! You're set for a perfect meal!
3) Ramen Noodles
This is just self-explanatory.
4) Cereal
This is perfect for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It's also good for snacks throughout the day (for example, just pour some dry into a Ziplok Bag and you're set!
5) Beer
Liquid bread. Not technically food, but when you're desperate...you gotta do what you gotta do.
6) Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich
Half PB, half banana. Throw onto buttered skillet. Make like a grilled cheese. Perfection.
A How-To Guide: How To Live Your Life
How-To: Live A Good Life
Snippets of life advice. Live it. Learn it. Love it.
1) Give people more than they expect.
2) Memorize something that means a lot to you. For example, a poem.
3) Spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4) When you say, "I love you", mean it
5) When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye
6) Don't believe everything you hear.
7) Believe in love at first sight
8) Never laugh at anyone's dreams
9) Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely
10) In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling
11) Don't judge people by their relatives.
12) Talk slow but think quick
13) Don't forget to love yourself.
14) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk
15) Call your mom. Don't forget who raised you.
16) Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17) When you lose, don't lose the lesson
18) Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions
19) Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
20) When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
21) Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
22) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills
will be as important as any other
23) Spend some time alone
24) Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values
25) Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer
26) Read more books and watch less TV
27) Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time
28) Have faith in God, but always lock your car.
29) A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home
30) In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past
31) Read between the lines
32) Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality
33) Be gentle with the earth
34) Pray. There's immeasurable power in it
35) Never interrupt when you are being flattered
36) Mind your own business
37) Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them
38) Once a year, go someplace you've never been before
39) If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction
40) Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck
41) Learn the rules then break some
42) Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other
43) Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it
44) Remember that your character is your destiny
45) Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
Snippets of life advice. Live it. Learn it. Love it.
1) Give people more than they expect.
2) Memorize something that means a lot to you. For example, a poem.
3) Spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4) When you say, "I love you", mean it
5) When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye
6) Don't believe everything you hear.
7) Believe in love at first sight
8) Never laugh at anyone's dreams
9) Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely
10) In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling
11) Don't judge people by their relatives.
12) Talk slow but think quick
13) Don't forget to love yourself.
14) Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk
15) Call your mom. Don't forget who raised you.
16) Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17) When you lose, don't lose the lesson
18) Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions
19) Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
20) When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
21) Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
22) Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, his/her conversational skills
will be as important as any other
23) Spend some time alone
24) Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values
25) Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer
26) Read more books and watch less TV
27) Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time
28) Have faith in God, but always lock your car.
29) A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home
30) In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past
31) Read between the lines
32) Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality
33) Be gentle with the earth
34) Pray. There's immeasurable power in it
35) Never interrupt when you are being flattered
36) Mind your own business
37) Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss them
38) Once a year, go someplace you've never been before
39) If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction
40) Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck
41) Learn the rules then break some
42) Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other
43) Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it
44) Remember that your character is your destiny
45) Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
The Art of Fitting In
How far would you go to fit in? Do you over-ride your default standards and forget they exist?
Change your clothes, change your attitude, change yourself.
On a daily basis, I encounter masses of women and men who are desperate to fit in to try to stand out. Unfortunetly, they're sinking and drowning into the majority of college students; losing their identity one day at a time. My mother always told me there was no way to change my roots, only different ways to appreciate them.
In the words of Little Big Town, "I feel no shame, I'm proud of where I came from, I was born and raised in the boondocks."
Here is my small rant of all things conformist:
Disclaimer: I do understand this does not apply to every person of every campus. There are exceptions. These statements are generalizations of the majority of people I'm surrounded by.
1) "I joined a frat. Not only am I a real man now, I'm going to buy pastel colored shorts."
-- Alright boys, I feel no shame in admitting that those pastel colored shorts often highlight your tan cut muscles, but c'mon... brotherhood is not about your pastel colored shorts (that I know of, atleast. I'm a girl so I wouldn't really know, but I do assume). Sure, I can spot a 'frat boy' from miles away because of his colorful shorts, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically going to "jump your bones" and do you. Actually, most girls steer clear of these pastel colored short men because frats are notorious for using their attractiveness to break hearts of innocent college girls everywhere. Joining Greek life should be (I'm wishful thinking here!) based on the values and beliefs of the chapter, not the color of their shorts.
2) "I'm in a sorority. I must now only associate with those in my organization... and occasionally other Greeks (but rarely! Mixers only!)"
-- You are always wearing letters. Ignoring the general population will take a serious toll on your recruitment next year, don't ya think? Girls, I understand that sisterhood is a bond that will never be broken but that is no excuse to walk around pretending you're the best thing that's happened to your campus, because you're not. I'm willing to bet that the majority of you are only joining outside organizations (Relay for Life etc) because you're required to. I'll be the first to admit that I did that my freshman year, but as the year went on I realized how despicable Greeks in these organizations are. Better yourself, better your organization (both Greek and non-Greek) and CARE about something bigger than yourself. The packs of sorority girls is actually unappealing as a PNM; you're intimidating and often mean. Don't forget, ladies, that you were once a regular ole' student and you shouldn't shun those who still are.
3) I play a college level sport so I will skip/fail all of my classes because my coaches will still love me....oh, and I'm an idiot.
Boys and girls, I am forever jealous of your amazing athletic ability and I envy your involvment in these school functions. I am also envious of the fact you can skip classes and not care and get away with it. Being independent from my family and their money, one bad grade will decide if I return to my institution. How many athletes manage to become a professional after college (I'm actually unsure of the stats) but I know it's not all of you. Even if you have the ability to become pro, what if you break your knees in half or something drastic and dramatic like that? Your coaches, although sympathetic, wont be able to help you pass these classes afterwards. Be well-rounded, give yourself more options just in case your professional athlete dreams fall through.
4) I'm in college...and college means drinking and doing drugs every second of every day.
College is fun and exciting. You get to sleep over at boys houses and your parents can't stop you! You get to go out and dress slutty because everyone's doing it. You get to re-invent yourself and be whoever you want. This is all true -- but that doesn't mean it's required. Unlike in highschool, there is no "most popular" girl. Sure, there are people known around campus for various reasons but I promise you, the only people you should be trying to impress are the friends that accept you for who you are. Being the crazy, drunk, slutty girl will only impress the wrong people. Hold up to your values, have fun, have a few nights where you get too drunk...but don't let these things define you. Without your classes you wouldn't be there anyway, so prioritize!
5) For the religious or not-so-religious: College is not an excuse to forget faith.
Religious: Pray, pray hard. Pray for the crazy, slutty, drunk people around you. Join your campus's "crazy preacher" and be firm! By all means, go to church on Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Study your bible and give yourself weekly quizzes -- I don't care! However, don't shun those who don't do the same. The world is full of people who worship different God's and different religions, and it's also full of people who couldn't care less any of it. You will meet gay people, interracial couples, and drunky butts... move on. Realize your faith is your faith. Go about it anyway you'd like, but don't you dare spite me on Monday morning when I've had too much fun on Sunday night. College is about expanding your education and this goes inside and outside of the classroom. Learn about your peers and accept your peers. Your religion may be wonderful, and I'm so happy you have found something to wake yourself up early on Sunday morning, but don't act surprised and disgusted when you realize everyone else in the world hasn't.
Not-So-Religious: Don't be ignorant. Feel free to be proud of the life you're living. However, don't flaunt it. ("I had sex with 5 people yesterday!" "I drank so much that I woke up in a bathtub of my puke!" "I didn't wear panties with my skirt yesterday, Bob totally fingered me underneath the lab tables in ESCI." ) I'm glad your life is that exciting, but don't forget to respect those who don't appreciate it. Keep it classy. There are people around you always listening, don't shock them with your dirty dirty secrets.
6) "I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops."
Mean girls reference. Winning. Anyway, be yourself. Simple as that. College is about finding yourself, figuring out your life, and making mistakes (but learning from them!). Don't lose yourself by trying to be somebody else. Mom time: "There is only one you!" Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Change your clothes, change your attitude, change yourself.
On a daily basis, I encounter masses of women and men who are desperate to fit in to try to stand out. Unfortunetly, they're sinking and drowning into the majority of college students; losing their identity one day at a time. My mother always told me there was no way to change my roots, only different ways to appreciate them.
In the words of Little Big Town, "I feel no shame, I'm proud of where I came from, I was born and raised in the boondocks."
Here is my small rant of all things conformist:
Disclaimer: I do understand this does not apply to every person of every campus. There are exceptions. These statements are generalizations of the majority of people I'm surrounded by.
1) "I joined a frat. Not only am I a real man now, I'm going to buy pastel colored shorts."
-- Alright boys, I feel no shame in admitting that those pastel colored shorts often highlight your tan cut muscles, but c'mon... brotherhood is not about your pastel colored shorts (that I know of, atleast. I'm a girl so I wouldn't really know, but I do assume). Sure, I can spot a 'frat boy' from miles away because of his colorful shorts, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically going to "jump your bones" and do you. Actually, most girls steer clear of these pastel colored short men because frats are notorious for using their attractiveness to break hearts of innocent college girls everywhere. Joining Greek life should be (I'm wishful thinking here!) based on the values and beliefs of the chapter, not the color of their shorts.
2) "I'm in a sorority. I must now only associate with those in my organization... and occasionally other Greeks (but rarely! Mixers only!)"
-- You are always wearing letters. Ignoring the general population will take a serious toll on your recruitment next year, don't ya think? Girls, I understand that sisterhood is a bond that will never be broken but that is no excuse to walk around pretending you're the best thing that's happened to your campus, because you're not. I'm willing to bet that the majority of you are only joining outside organizations (Relay for Life etc) because you're required to. I'll be the first to admit that I did that my freshman year, but as the year went on I realized how despicable Greeks in these organizations are. Better yourself, better your organization (both Greek and non-Greek) and CARE about something bigger than yourself. The packs of sorority girls is actually unappealing as a PNM; you're intimidating and often mean. Don't forget, ladies, that you were once a regular ole' student and you shouldn't shun those who still are.
3) I play a college level sport so I will skip/fail all of my classes because my coaches will still love me....oh, and I'm an idiot.
Boys and girls, I am forever jealous of your amazing athletic ability and I envy your involvment in these school functions. I am also envious of the fact you can skip classes and not care and get away with it. Being independent from my family and their money, one bad grade will decide if I return to my institution. How many athletes manage to become a professional after college (I'm actually unsure of the stats) but I know it's not all of you. Even if you have the ability to become pro, what if you break your knees in half or something drastic and dramatic like that? Your coaches, although sympathetic, wont be able to help you pass these classes afterwards. Be well-rounded, give yourself more options just in case your professional athlete dreams fall through.
4) I'm in college...and college means drinking and doing drugs every second of every day.
College is fun and exciting. You get to sleep over at boys houses and your parents can't stop you! You get to go out and dress slutty because everyone's doing it. You get to re-invent yourself and be whoever you want. This is all true -- but that doesn't mean it's required. Unlike in highschool, there is no "most popular" girl. Sure, there are people known around campus for various reasons but I promise you, the only people you should be trying to impress are the friends that accept you for who you are. Being the crazy, drunk, slutty girl will only impress the wrong people. Hold up to your values, have fun, have a few nights where you get too drunk...but don't let these things define you. Without your classes you wouldn't be there anyway, so prioritize!
5) For the religious or not-so-religious: College is not an excuse to forget faith.
Religious: Pray, pray hard. Pray for the crazy, slutty, drunk people around you. Join your campus's "crazy preacher" and be firm! By all means, go to church on Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Study your bible and give yourself weekly quizzes -- I don't care! However, don't shun those who don't do the same. The world is full of people who worship different God's and different religions, and it's also full of people who couldn't care less any of it. You will meet gay people, interracial couples, and drunky butts... move on. Realize your faith is your faith. Go about it anyway you'd like, but don't you dare spite me on Monday morning when I've had too much fun on Sunday night. College is about expanding your education and this goes inside and outside of the classroom. Learn about your peers and accept your peers. Your religion may be wonderful, and I'm so happy you have found something to wake yourself up early on Sunday morning, but don't act surprised and disgusted when you realize everyone else in the world hasn't.
Not-So-Religious: Don't be ignorant. Feel free to be proud of the life you're living. However, don't flaunt it. ("I had sex with 5 people yesterday!" "I drank so much that I woke up in a bathtub of my puke!" "I didn't wear panties with my skirt yesterday, Bob totally fingered me underneath the lab tables in ESCI." ) I'm glad your life is that exciting, but don't forget to respect those who don't appreciate it. Keep it classy. There are people around you always listening, don't shock them with your dirty dirty secrets.
6) "I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops."
Mean girls reference. Winning. Anyway, be yourself. Simple as that. College is about finding yourself, figuring out your life, and making mistakes (but learning from them!). Don't lose yourself by trying to be somebody else. Mom time: "There is only one you!" Learn it. Live it. Love it.
The Start of Something New
11:04am, Sunday October 8th 2012
Starting another chapter in my life, I've realized something: It's not easy or fun but it's always worth it.
I moved to a city two years ago. California was always a dream of mine, and moving here was the scariest thing I've ever done. In the words of Journey, I was just a small town girl living in a lonely world. Culture shocked and excited, this city opened the pages to the next part of my book. Moving into a cramped dorm room with a less-than-adequate roommate, home-sickness swept over me like a dust storm in the Sahara.
"Mom, please... I want to come home."
"Honey, no."
I poured myself into the life of a city girl and I fell in love. Never again would I worry about the "drama" and frustration that came with living in a small town -- or so I thought. My studies became priority, which IS what I was paying for right? I finished my freshman year with honors, great memories, and a broken heart.
Returning to the small town that I missed so dearly 9 months prior, I realized I only missed the familiar. I crave adventure all the time, 24/7, and being enclosed in the miles of beautiful landscapes and 4 stoplights just wasn't enough for me anymore. My countdown to return to the beautiful city I call home began on the day I left it.
"I could really use a wish right now."
Summer came and went, lines were crossed and my memories blur. It was easily the best summer of my life, but the city lights called me home mid-August. Moving into yet another cramped dorm space with very adequate roommates, I began my sophomore year. However, the city lights became brighter and I found myself thrown back into desperation -- desperation to be enclosed in the city limits of my hometown.
My fascination with this "city culture" had diminished, and I found myself stuck underneath the smog-filled city sky, dreaming of stars and the familiar. This is my journey, stuck in the place I used to love, missing the place I used to hate, and balancing my life in-between.
Starting another chapter in my life, I've realized something: It's not easy or fun but it's always worth it.
I moved to a city two years ago. California was always a dream of mine, and moving here was the scariest thing I've ever done. In the words of Journey, I was just a small town girl living in a lonely world. Culture shocked and excited, this city opened the pages to the next part of my book. Moving into a cramped dorm room with a less-than-adequate roommate, home-sickness swept over me like a dust storm in the Sahara.
"Mom, please... I want to come home."
"Honey, no."
I poured myself into the life of a city girl and I fell in love. Never again would I worry about the "drama" and frustration that came with living in a small town -- or so I thought. My studies became priority, which IS what I was paying for right? I finished my freshman year with honors, great memories, and a broken heart.
Returning to the small town that I missed so dearly 9 months prior, I realized I only missed the familiar. I crave adventure all the time, 24/7, and being enclosed in the miles of beautiful landscapes and 4 stoplights just wasn't enough for me anymore. My countdown to return to the beautiful city I call home began on the day I left it.
"I could really use a wish right now."
Summer came and went, lines were crossed and my memories blur. It was easily the best summer of my life, but the city lights called me home mid-August. Moving into yet another cramped dorm space with very adequate roommates, I began my sophomore year. However, the city lights became brighter and I found myself thrown back into desperation -- desperation to be enclosed in the city limits of my hometown.
My fascination with this "city culture" had diminished, and I found myself stuck underneath the smog-filled city sky, dreaming of stars and the familiar. This is my journey, stuck in the place I used to love, missing the place I used to hate, and balancing my life in-between.
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