I date for long periods of time. My first love, as well as my most recent ex, and I started dating in March of my 8th grade year. Continuing on until recently, my sophomore year of college. We've had our ups and downs, we are only human of course, but in the end he was always the one.
Near the end of our relationship, I gained an understanding of myself which eventually lead to our break-up. Although he should've been a huge part of my life, he shouldn't have controlled it: which he did. He decided who I hung out with, what classes I took, where I lived, what I wore, and so much more. Coming into an extreme fit of "Who the hell am I??!" I realized that I wouldn't ever know as long as he was in my life.
He had our life planned (there was mutual agreement, but not mutual satisfaction). We were going to live in my home-town with 3 kids and they were going to be named Kelsey, Jacob, and Steve. All of the names listed are names he had chosen. There middle names were going to be his family middle names that had passed down over generations, not mine.
He had never asked, he decided. However, in his defense, I always agreed.
I was no longer myself -- but I was the girl-version of him.
It took me a long time to realize this, and to many of my friend's relief, I finally did. I was not happily in love with him, I was just happy to be in love.
How-To: Break up with your long-term boyfriend
1) Make sure it's what you want to do and when you do it, stick to your guns.
Breaking up and getting back together over and over can be extremely detrimental to one's well-being. Having your heart broken is one of the worst pains a human body can feel (not THE worst, but it's up there). It's hard because you're giving up your norm, but you must do it regardless if you know it's right for you.
2) Don't make it dramatic and cause a scene
Be mature and be adults. Things sometimes just don't work out, and regardless of your past with eachother, you have to look towards the future. Be kind and be gentle, don't throw in "If you had only.." type statements because they're unneccessary. You're ending it with them, there is no need to kick them while they're down. Try not to break up based on a fight or argument, "don't make permenent decisions based on temporary feelings."
3) Don't dwell: Remember the past but realize you're both in a new chapter.
You will see other people, and odds are that he will too. Don't "stalk" his Facebook and Twitter, I actually suggest hiding/blocking them for some time. Yes, even if it's 10 years down the road, you're not going to like that he/she has moved on, but the beauty of it is that you can move on too. There was a legitimate reason for ending the relationship, realize this and realize you need something/someone else. If fate allows you to bump into eachother down the road, great! If not, it wasn't meant to be.
4) Focus on yourself: Dreams, goals, and friends.
Try not to jump directly into another relationship -- even if you feel like you're over them, you're probably not. Focus on yourself. Go on walks. Journal. Pick up a hobby. Be with your friends. I'm not saying to shun boys/girls completely, just try to set a distinct time to focus on who you are by yourself, not who you are when you're attached to someone else.
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